i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
