Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
