Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
