Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
