Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
