i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
