I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
