Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
