you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How does it feel to date your dad?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
