The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
