What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
