I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
