Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
