The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
