my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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