It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
