That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
