I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
