I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
