i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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