That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I still have a little drunk in my system
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
