omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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