Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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