I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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