Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
