it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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