Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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