Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need a beard to bite.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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