her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
