We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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