If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
