I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
