The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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