this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize