So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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