Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
