So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
