Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to calm my uterus...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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