everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
