Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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