I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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