Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
