omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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