After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize