u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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