We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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