i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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