Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
