cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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