I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
