i would punch a child for taco bell
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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