"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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