i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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