then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
