in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
