I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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