The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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