My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
