There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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