Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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