I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
