the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
