drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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