Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
