If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
