He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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