Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
