Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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