I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
