So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
