this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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