Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
