i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
