We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
