I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Congratulations! We have a period
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