actually, I'm a sock model
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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