"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Randomize
