Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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