and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
