a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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