How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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